singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
