when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
