Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
