Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
