I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
