I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
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Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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