There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
