Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
if only i could text you this smell
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
