Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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