He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
