I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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