Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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