you mean i was at the winter classic?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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