speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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