Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
