I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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