I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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