I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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