Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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