He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
