I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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