I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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