i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
