i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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