Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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