did you get engaged???
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
