I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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