Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
