Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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