trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
