he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
