Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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