I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
