i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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