ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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