There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
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