so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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