you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
