Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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