Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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