Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you would pick up someone in the library
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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