i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
