I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
