When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
