She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am midnight drunk by noon
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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