I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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