I have demons in me.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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