Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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