she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
