yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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