Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
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I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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