There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
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I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
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I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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