You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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