i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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