I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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