so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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