i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
