his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
