I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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