my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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