So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
