Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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