I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
