i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
